This morning, I was honored to give and receive gifts from wonderful children. This is a story about 4 gifts that were given at an orphanage in the forgotten mountains of Guatemala.
I walk - seemingly in slow motion - across the orphanage dining hall, and sit at a table all by myself. I place the Bible in front of me and begin to read to myself, gleaning wisdom from my Heavenly Father. The children see this. It is important that they see this. This is gift #1 that I can give.
Tradition dictates that the first 5 children who finish their breakfast first can ask their table leader to come sit at my table for special reading time.
The first boy, Pol (twin brother of Peter), makes his move. He rushes over. Oh no, he forgot to clean up well! He was called back. A very tough lesson for a child, but one he will remember tomorrow, and maybe for the rest of his life. Clean up after yourself. That was gift #2 given to Pol by his table leader.
The next to swoop in was Victoria and Rosario. Rosario is the little one in the photo below. Don't let her
cuteness give you the impression that she doesn't need firm, loving correction....constantly. If you care for Rosario, you will cultivate the art of patience! Rosario is a mover-and-shaker. She can't sit still. She crinkles the table-cloth. She touches everything and everyone. She forgets instructions. Rosario probably received 5 instructions at various times to sit correctly in her seat. When an adult corrects a child, there is no need for raised voice, frustration, power struggles. Simple firm instructions are the best. Rosario is good with firm instruction, until the ants-in-her-pants tell her to start moving again. Very age-expected, especially when you consider her painful history of adults giving up on her. That's not what we do here.
Diego walks over, curious, wanting to be part of the small group forming. Diego has autism. His smile is contagious, and his laughter is so joyful and unconstrained that you can't help but laugh with him. Diego also does well with firm instruction. What he does not do well with is covering his mouth when he coughs. Diego stood beside me, and then coughed in my face. A direct hit. At that moment I realized that the dreaded orphanage virus being passed around by the children this week was passed to me too. A number of children were in bed and not at breakfast this morning due to sickness. Symptoms the virus causes? Fever, stomach ache, COUGH. Thank you Diego for sharing a gift that will keep on giving :) I love the kid that just gave me gift #3. Love them unconditionally.
I read a couple childrens books at the special table this morning - one in English and one in Spanish. The children hang on my words - learning, absorbing, repeating. One requirement of parenthood should be reading to your children. The little people soak up from the big people priceless gifts during positive time together. They not only learn how to pronounce words correctly, they are figuring out what kind of man or woman they want to be when they grow up. Positive reading experiences with adults help children with inner stability, focus, brain development, maturity, understanding, thinking, feeling loved and included - all things good. Every child is a good egg that needs help hatching.
After reading, I invited the children to go get their own books to read. They did so happily - ready to start their own story adventure. Even though some can't understand the words yet, they can look at the pictures. Something amazing and miraculous happens in the synapses of their brains. Parents don't miss that point.
Every morning, I eat breakfast in the dining hall where loads of precious orphan children eat. I am privileged to eat at a table with the teenage boys. There are so many children that everyone is dispersed at various tables throughout the dining hall. We can't all sit together, but we certainly are aware of each other. Kids may not always talk to adults - but they are keenly aware of their presence or lack of presence.
I finish eating first. I am the only father figure eating breakfast with these kids this morning, and I can scarf food down the fastest. Fathers usually eat fast. It takes effort for dad figures to slow down, engage in meaningful conversation, and ask thoughtful questions to their children that will help them open. I didn't do that this morning. I had a mission to complete...as most men think they do.
After scarfing, I get up, take my dishes to the sink, and wash them - modeling how cleaning up after yourself is done. The children have a mission too, and they impatiently wait for the right time to launch their mission. They watch me like hovering hawks, waiting for the mouse to move before they swoop in.
Tradition dictates that the first 5 children who finish their breakfast first can ask their table leader to come sit at my table for special reading time.
The first boy, Pol (twin brother of Peter), makes his move. He rushes over. Oh no, he forgot to clean up well! He was called back. A very tough lesson for a child, but one he will remember tomorrow, and maybe for the rest of his life. Clean up after yourself. That was gift #2 given to Pol by his table leader.
The next to swoop in was Victoria and Rosario. Rosario is the little one in the photo below. Don't let her
I read a couple childrens books at the special table this morning - one in English and one in Spanish. The children hang on my words - learning, absorbing, repeating. One requirement of parenthood should be reading to your children. The little people soak up from the big people priceless gifts during positive time together. They not only learn how to pronounce words correctly, they are figuring out what kind of man or woman they want to be when they grow up. Positive reading experiences with adults help children with inner stability, focus, brain development, maturity, understanding, thinking, feeling loved and included - all things good. Every child is a good egg that needs help hatching.
So what is gift #4? Throughout our special reading time - as children act up, stop paying attention, touch others, don't sit correctly, whatever distraction - I stop reading. Simple cause and effect.
Calmly, I ask everyone at the table, myself included, to practice sitting still for 10 seconds. We are at this table together and will learn self-control together.
Calmly, I ask everyone at the table, myself included, to practice sitting still for 10 seconds. We are at this table together and will learn self-control together.
Hands on the table. Look straight ahead. Smile if you want to - breathe if you want to - but no talking or moving just for 10 seconds of tranquil oasis. They like the point about breathing. It makes them giggle. When we all can do this well and quickly, we will continue. So they hold themselves accountable. They want the reward of continued reading together.
Here's the learning point: With practice, children learn how to stop impulsively moving at the table. They come to understand that they actually can sit still. They learn that they can turn it on and off, at their will. They can help each other do good. Self-control is one of the most valuable gifts a parent can give a child, in the context of loving relationship.
Here's the learning point: With practice, children learn how to stop impulsively moving at the table. They come to understand that they actually can sit still. They learn that they can turn it on and off, at their will. They can help each other do good. Self-control is one of the most valuable gifts a parent can give a child, in the context of loving relationship.
As the table leaders called the children to form lines to leave the dining hall - Victoria looked up into my eyes, smiling....as a daughter connects with a father. She received her gifts.
They are absolutely priceless gifts.
A gift you can give to us and to other parents, is sharing this blog.
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